Jumping Off The Bridge

Of all the things I have heard from my mentor GD last year, no single word has changed my life more than the word ‘polarity’.

More and more, the only ‘growth’ I can claim is less and less resistance to life. Not even Life with an uppercase ‘L’ – just simple life. And life, it seems, exists in polarities. Polarities of good-bad, happiness-unhappiness, security-insecurity, certainty-uncertainty, faith-doubt, clarity-confusion, courage-cowardice, calm-chaos, behind-ahead, activity-rest…

What is changing my life is seeing that this duality is not because of a fault I have. It is not because of a mistake I am making. It is not because I am not spiritual enough or determined enough. It is the nature of things that in darkness we see light shining brightest. It is embedded in the way we think that we cannot define anything without instantly creating its opposite.

What I am also now willing to accept more than before is that my judgment of one side of the polarity as better is not an absolute truth!

The picture of polarity in my head is that of a bridge. I want to permanently cross over to one bank of the bridge – to happiness, peace, love, success – but this never seems to happen, does it? It always seems within reach with this next step, this next good news, this next effort… but it is never reached for good. I sometimes temporarily seem to bring the good side closer by pushing, resisting or even spiritualizing the bad, but it never disappears permanently. And it can’t. The only way out of this bridge of polarity is to jump off it.

So I cringe now when I see the dramatic promises made by some life coaches. To me, any book, teacher, workshop or system that promises to take you to the perfection of one polarity is bull-shitting. Sorry, I’m not buying it anymore. A pendulum moving in one direction is also simultaneously gathering momentum to move back. Trying to sustain a pendulum, or life, at one end-point permanently is insane.

A deeper peace comes from letting go of trying to fix a specific polarity. A deeper love comes from emptying judgment around the ‘bad’ polarity. A deeper meditation happens when I deal with the fear of being stuck at the wrong polarity ‘forever’. And joy is the result of accepting where I am on the continuum right now.

As I stop struggling, a deeper truth emerges: No matter how much the mind says I am moving, in this moment, without words, I am still in the centre. And when I don’t conjure up any story about my life, it is a perfectly good place to be. Because right now, without thought, neither polarity exists.

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The awesome words that started it all for me: The Fixer of Polarities.

Picture used under creative commons license via Ana

I Love You!

One of the purest & most powerful lines of love I have come across.
I created this image for all of you who read this blog.
And who muster the courage to put out your creativity every week.
You awe me. I love you…

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I WHO AM CONSCIOUSNESS — Powerful Pointers from Source

Connecting with non-duality always feels like a homecoming to me. A return to a restful and nourishing womb from the dazzling chaos of sensory perception. But sometimes, the words and conviction of someone who is ‘being that space’ of oneness are really helpful to find one’s way out of the mind.

Here are some powerful words my mentor GD said to me one day when I was temporarily lost in a jungle of self-doubt, depression and anger.

I had spoken to him after many days because I had also been holding the story that he was somehow blocking my creativity. Beneath it was a fear that my old ‘solid’ life was slipping out of grasp and the way ahead seemed less and less visible. With my clever, commercially-calculated creativity, I believed I could hold on to my old ‘secure’ life. But he did not seem to encourage it. So I was mad at him and mad at life.

When we finally did talk, GD did not mollycoddle the ego. Instead of offering temporary fixes, he went straight to the root. He did not tell ‘me’ what to do, he spoke on behalf of Me.

Speaking from the space where he and I were not two separate entities, he offered a paradigm-shaking view of ‘my life’ – it was like the voice of my own Soul speaking to me. Here is the distilled essence of those words:

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“I who am Consciousness, have nothing to do with success and failure,
but sometimes give reality to thoughts of success and failure.

I who am Consciousness, have nothing to do with happiness or sadness,
but sometimes believe the stories of happiness or sadness.

I who am consciousness… am whole, complete and fulfilled.
Except… when I start playing with thoughts of incompletion and scarcity.

I who am Consciousness, who am already love, peace and joy,
have bought into the story that happiness must come from outside,
and I am waiting for something to fulfill this story. 

I who am Consciousness
am the life in your body… and the light in your mind.
All your thoughts, feelings, desires and emotions are non-existent without me.

Forget about aalif.
It will get taken care of.

What you are calling ‘I’ is just the sum total of your memories.
You are simply Consciousness being aalif in this moment.

Aalif is the hand-puppet – Consciousness is the hand.
The hand-puppet was never meant to be taken so seriously.

You have abandoned 99% percent of yourself – which is Consciousness.
And embraced only 1% of yourself – which is the thought-sensation called aalif.

The question for you is simple:
Are you willing to live from the standpoint of Consciousness?
Or do you want to continue being a conflicted flow of memories and desires?

You say you want to be free.
But freedom actually means – freedom from the illusion called aalif.”

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The Illusion of Ownership

Last week, my mentor GD casually mentioned that a word had been resonating strongly within him since the past few days. The word was ‘ownership’, he said, and proceeded to explain how it was being seen how our taking ownership of thoughts and sensations was creating the illusions of ‘my life’ and ‘my world’. The following afternoon, in the midst of a chaotic and overwhelming day, I sat with what he said and everything fell away into silence around me. Within a few minutes, I experienced the deepest meditation I had had all week. So I requested he put this down in his words to share with others. Here it is:

 

Like the sound of a passing train,
all experience is just passing by.

Thoughts, images, feelings, sensations…
all appearing and disappearing…
all just passing by.

If a crow makes a sound nearby, we don’t take any ‘ownership’,
But if the mind makes a sound, it somehow becomes ‘mine’.

It’s interesting to explore how the ‘I’ takes ownership
of every sensation, thought and emotion that appears.

And being busy taking ownership and fighting with appearances,
the ‘I’ forgets that it is itself an appearance.

The fundamental ownership is that of the body/mind.
One starts by claiming physical sensations and asserting ‘my body’.
We own every thought that appears and say ‘my mind’…

Once that happens, then on behalf of the body/mind,
one starts owning all the emotions and fluctuations…
and then the wife, the child, the house, the car…
right up to ‘my’ country and ‘my’ planet.

One has to believe the illusion of ‘me’
before one can create the illusion of ‘mine’.

It’s surprisingly blissful
when perception is experienced without any ownership…

Everything is seen as magically appearing and disappearing…
and there is no one catching or claiming ownership,
or even saying good or bad.

There is just effortless witnessing…
just spontaneous experiencing.

Life is experiencing itself moment to moment…
free of any judgement whatsoever.

All concepts of ownership exist only in the mind.

Image used with gratitude under
Creative Commons via Djuliet

The Gospel of Yourself: A Message for December 2012

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“We were trained to watch the TV screen, listen to the teacher, read the book and take all of it as gospel. And the truth is none of it is gospel. It’s the gospel of yourself that you’re looking for; and it’s trusting that the gospel of you in yourself is going to be not just enough for this world, but exactly what this world needs.”

– Lee Harris

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Do take a few minutes to watch the video or read the full transcript of Lee Harris’ December 2012 Energy Forecast here. It’s a beautiful description of the subtle energies operating at a magical point in our lifetime and some guidance on what may lie ahead.

Image used under creative commons via Lel4nd

The Tao of Decision Making

Making a major life decision can be a tricky business for the best of us. The mind goes into overdrive mode, emotional clouds engulf us, and our whole system goes into an obsessive desperation to get out of this uncomfortable state.

Sometimes the final decision is pulled towards the strongest fear or desire, and sometimes made out of sheer exhaustion or frustration. Here are a few tips that my mentor GD shares with those around him on ‘seeing’ this whole maze of decision-making.

1)   “What to do?” is not the right question.
When you struggle incessantly with your decision, GD says, there is no place for something new to land. Somewhat like an airport where all the runways are already jammed with airplanes, allowing no new flight to arrive. The relaxation of a warm, soapy bathtub, as Archimedes showed, can be the secret to fresh inspiration. Shifting the focus from ‘what should I do’ to ‘coming to the right space where the decision can happen’ is important. Instead of struggling for the answer, find peace in this moment – and then wait for the solution to ‘land’.

2)   See the illusion of the ‘One Perfect Choice’
Choice is based on an underlying story that there is only one perfect decision: one path which leads to absolute happiness and another which leads to ruin. Release yourself from this draconian scenario by seeing that no matter what choice you make, it will have its own share of challenges and joys. This relaxes the mind from constantly plotting, manipulating and waiting for the ‘jackpot’ choice. And takes the weight off your shoulders of making that one perfect decision. As Byron Katie puts it: “If you go left, you get a story. Go right and you get another story.”

3)   Be at Peace on the Crossroad
Have you noticed that decisions appear life-consuming only when you are miserable? When you are happy, in a flow or playing with your cat, they lose their life-and-death seriousness. Being peaceful and joyous in the moment is a great platform upon which decisions crystallize.
Also, remembering that the external world cannot ultimately make you happy is a good sticky-note during this phase. Ultimately, it’s not about making the right decision, the real thing is finding love-peace-joy in this moment regardless of external situations.

4)   The freedom and simplicity of ‘I-Don’t-Know’
Instead of forcing a decision, consider the possibility of simply and honestly acknowledging ‘I-don’t-know-yet’ to yourself and others. Or “I am not sure yet, let’s leave it open for now.” Sometimes, the answer has not yet unfolded for you, and sometimes, even when you are clear within, there may be a pause sign within the system… saying it’s not time for action yet. Honor your pauses and waiting periods as much as you honor your time of action.

5)   Clear your Desires & Fears around the subject
Greed and fear often prompt us to take decisions which are not aligned with the heart – some people get married under pressure, others take up jobs they hate. If you know how to, use therapies, clearing processes and meditations to clear your energy around the subject. Once the howling winds of desire and fear have quietened, the still small voice of the heart starts being heard.

6)   Thy will be done
Finally, remember that things happen as they happen and when they happen. Surrender to the grander scheme of things – the higher intelligence that is flawlessly executing a million processes right now in the universe. The ego’s desire to control life is the fundamental source of its suffering. And allowing itself to surrender and allow and flow with life, the key to its liberation.

On this, GD sometimes quotes his own teacher, who often used to say: ‘The entire journey can be done with just four words – Thy Will Be Done.’

Image courtesy of scottchan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Adding Nothing To This Moment

Recently, I was diagnosed with Bell’s Palsy. As I experienced a part of my face gradually freezing, I was advised not to read, work on the computer or watch TV for a few days. The gift out of it was the necessity to give up my favorite unconscious “go-to” activities during the day. And for the first time in ages, I was forced to sit with myself and just be. Out of this experience, came these few lines.

Adding nothing to this moment
No information, no study, no distraction.

Adding nothing to this moment
No planning, no creating, no manifesting.

Adding nothing to this moment
Not awareness, not seeking, not even peace.

Not making a virtue out of stillness
Nor waiting for a reward.

It seems like a lifetime since I’ve sat
in a naked moment without purpose.

I keep stuffing words and things to fill every moment
When I stop, I realize I AM the meaning – and it’s enough.

How did it ever become so hard to do
the simplest thing ever?

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Image used under Creative Commons via Pranav Babu

The Divine Intoxication

While cleaning out an old bookshelf, my father discovered a few poems written by my brother and mentor GD almost ten years ago. Here’s one little gem:

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Every human being is God
in a state of divine intoxication.

Mesmerised by his own thoughts
compelled by his desire to experience
he totters from pillar to post
in search of Himself.

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Image Used Via Creative Commons via petertandlund

The Secret of Complete Silence

My little son Nirvaan and Kofi the little kitten encounter each other for the first time.
A little reminder that meditation can be just so simple…

Epifunny #1: “Master, I finally got it!”

Trying to get back to cartooning with some inspiration from my very unserious mentor GD! I like the simplicity and immediacy of cartoons. Exploring the possibilities of commenting on spirituality using the seeker and master characters. Here’s a preliminary attempt… I quite enjoyed doing it, I hope you enjoy seeing it!

© Aalif Surti 2012