Resting in ‘I-don’t-know’

When I was younger and faced weekly with dramatic situations which I thought would derail the course of my entire future, my brother GD would stop my runaway train with just one question: “Can you be absolutely certain that it’s a bad thing? Can you really know the future?”

But my dream job didn’t work out…
But my soul mate left for another country…
But my financial situation is not improving…

“Can you know for sure that it’s a bad thing?” GD would ask. I had to admit that I didn’t really know. And in that, there was a calming down, a stopping of the mind and an openness to whatever was unfolding. Invariably, things eventually turned out well.

During last week’s Sunday session, GD reawakened this conversation: “The mind doesn’t know anything for certain – it is ambivalent about everything. And this ambivalence is a huge source of misery and frustration. Why don’t you just admit that you don’t really know?

Stop fighting with doubt and uncertainty, and just surrender. Rest in the stillness of I-don’t-know.

“No one really knows anything. We are all just innocent children pretending to be wise and sorted. Are you even sure that the money, success, security, fame – which you are chasing – is good for you? Is it really in your best interest? You can’t really know. In the space of not-knowing, in that space of innocent openness, we become available to the divine plan. But that is only when we have the intelligence and humility to acknowledge that I don’t know.”

If I look at my current life, I could tell the story from so many different vantage points – astrological, spiritual, medical, psychological, emotional, global, karmic… All would be true but none would be the real reason why things are happening the way they are. And no one can assert that with absolute authority. In moments of insanity, I try to figure out how and why and what next. In moments of sanity, I rest in the trust of not-knowing… and allow life to unfold.

14 thoughts on “Resting in ‘I-don’t-know’

  1. I struggle with my insanity, always wanting to know, and to control my fear of not knowing. Thanks for this, Aalif. Just when I needed it most!

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